Health · Real Remarks

What is Happiness Anyway?

I have Bipolar. Bipolar II, to be exact. The “II” means I’ll have my highs and lows, like any other Bipolar person, but my depression lasts much longer than my ups. Being in a full-blown manic state has never happened to me. However, there can still be negative effects regardless.

These mood changes often causes confusion.

Take this example: For several days you will be crying, and exhausted, and feeling utterly useless. You are told that things get better or that this will all pass. One morning you awaken, and everything is amazing. They were right, you think. You are willing to take on anything now.

“See, I told you everything will get better,” they tell you, and you nod, agreeing.

Late that night, or the next morning, you find yourself sobbing over some trivial matter. All of your energy has been drained and you bury your face into the pillow. To others, this looks like an over-the-top over-reaction.

Sometimes those elevated, wondrous, feelings last for days. Perhaps even a week. Like you were never even depressed to begin with. It was all just a phase. Wasn’t it?

This is me.

Stuck in this endless cycle, creating grief and chaos. It can ruin relationships. It can end jobs. You could be considered a “Drama Queen” (or King).

Now the questions begin. What happened to my happiness? Was it all false happiness? When the wheel turns and that feel-good mood occurs again, you won’t even care. Anything that makes you happy is good enough for you. No matter the consequences.

For me, however, I share half of my mania with anger. This make it more difficult to find actual happiness. And thus, until the end of my days, seek I shall.

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